this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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