I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
