The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
