You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
