Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
