dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
