I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
