I'm lost and stupid without you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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