She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
