i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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