I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
