I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
