So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
