Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
