Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
