i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
