Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
