I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
