we're blogging at a bar
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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