were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
