I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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