Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I party with great urgency now.
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