I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
