they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
