Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
