cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
