I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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