I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
