She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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