I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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