I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It was confusing and full of hummus
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
