just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
