Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
