Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
