I wannas sexs uuuuu
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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