i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
