i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
