We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
