one might say we're banned from that church
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
