Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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