there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
