Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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