ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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