Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
