God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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