Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
