She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
