Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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