I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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