Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
