Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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