Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice