what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂