My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Randomize
