i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
