They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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