If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
