Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
