when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize