$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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