I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
