i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
