I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
