she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
