So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
