You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
