addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
