i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
