My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
