I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
In America we eat man semen.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
