someone threw a dead crab at me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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