the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
