I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
