He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
