My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
