this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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