I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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