i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
